I think right now we are all living a wild chase that does not seem to be ending. This pandemic of COVID has caused all of our lives to flip upside down. For me, it has made me question things I never thought I would question; it has made me see friends and family members in a different light; it has made me thankful for simple things and take my naïve idea that certain things could not happen where I live and crush it.
If you know me personally, I am a person who does a lot of analyzing of people, things, situations. I am also a pretty even keeled person. I do not really go off the hinge one way or another, I feel things will even out in the end. You wont find me fighting for much unless its my husband, my kids or maybe the last piece of pizza, but generally I like to live my life to the fullest and let other people do their thing. You may call me a bad person for not getting involved in a lot of issues, not passing out signature ballets or holding a sign about whatever on the side of the road, but I am just not that person.
So as I look at my life and what has happened since March, a lot of it has been positive. I have been able to work from home. This has been amazing. I get to see my girls so much more now. I feel closer to my kids than I ever have. Even in just passing by and chatting at lunch or saying good morning. I did not have that opportunity in the past. The guilt I had with trying to have a career and be with my kids has melted away. You can say I am entitled for this, okay, I am, but I have worked hard to have my career and I didn’t just fall into a great job that I can now do from my own office, and someday I may have to go back to my actual office, but for now, I am getting the best of the both worlds.
That is just one way that my life has been blessed since March. I wont go into all the other ways but you get it, I have seen some positive in all this negative. But, there has been some negative that I cannot deny. I am a social person, I make others laugh, people like to have me around, I’m a good time, I’m always up for doing something to be a jackass and embarrass someone (I also really love myself). I, have zero desire to be around most people. The thought of having to go to my office and make chitchat is giving me a headache and a lot of times I see the phone ring or a text message and I just walk away.
Like everyone, we have had to make decisions about going forward with our family. After a lot of thought and discussion and back and forth, Scott and I are keeping our kids home this year from school (and have the ability to do so while I know a lot of others don’t). If you know me personally you know I do NOT have patience. My brain also jumps into way more complex things than it needs to. Trying to teach a first grader anything will turn into, and this is how you do a statistical analysis so I am sure to fail massively. I also am not a rigid person when it comes to parenting. My kids have always had a free schedule as far as bedtime, homework time, dinner time. I always know what’s going on, my mind is a memory bank, but you never catch me saying holy shit, we missed a nap! I could care less. My thought also is if you want to go to bed at 11 and be an asshole because you had to wake up early, welcome to consequences of your actions. So now I have to have a schedule with my kids. I have a schedule for work, I always stick by it, but now I have to pay attention to these other people who have been doing a free for all since March. Someone needs to put a camera in here because it is sure to be a shit show.
So here I am, trying to get my shit together in a pandemic and I don’t know where I am going or what I am doing. I may look like I do, I may have the photos of the kids looking all clean and well mannered in front of something nicely displayed in the kitchen that looks clean and organized (I paid someone to clean it). I may have a selfie of my face looking nice for the day but 95 percent of the time I have on yoga pants that I have never once done yoga in and a T-shirt that has a hole in it. I may sound professional on my meeting calls and have all the right answers, but no one is seeing me running around my basement trying to find a cricket that wont stop chirping while I am also talking. You are not seeing the behind the scenes that puts it together like the half-assed well oiled machine that it is!
So I am not the only one in this situation. EVERYONE is in a situation where we have to answer hard questions, we have to change the way we do things. It sucks, it really does. We are learning a different life. While a lot of people I know are learning this life, they are also fighting it every step of the way because they feel it is unnecessarily and is a mass scheme to stop the president or our free world or the sky being blue, but I am not really into that theory so you do you.
The purpose of this post completely is to please, let’s give ourselves some grace. Lets give each other some grace. Let’s learn to bite our tongues and quit calling people names because they believe that this pandemic is very real or very fake. Let’s quit seeing a person strictly for their political beliefs but for the person they are. Let’s all calm down if you see someone wearing or not wearing a mask. Our lives are short, take the vacation (Hell, I took myself to Vegas and had a fantastic time), get off the computer and stop trolling people on comments sections of news stations (this is advice I am giving myself because I do this), take a ride, go pick up some dinner, love your family, love your neighbor, love yourself. Don’t look back on your life changing and have the memory that you spent it angry, but look back on it that you saw some light in the darkness because this too will pass my friends, life always moves on.
Functionally Dysfunctional 