Do you feel like your life is one big hot mess? You don’t? Then don’t read this. I’ll ask again, do you feel like your life is one big hot mess? Yes? Then read about mine, you will feel better about yourself.
I have said multiple times that I’m a hot mess. First of all, it is 99 percent likely you will find me wearing non-matching socks. I only own one set of matching bra and underwear set and that was a complete fluke because I bought the underwear and the bra at different days, it just so happened that they match. I never have worn them together until yesterday when I didn’t realize they matched until about 4:00 pm when I was showing my co-worker Kami that there was lace on my big girl panties because she didn’t want to see that and I found it really funny to put my butt in her face (I’m a super good coworker). The reason I never realized this was because I was grabbing my clothes to wear for the day in the dark that were scattered around my bedroom because I haven’t put laundry away in 8.9 years. In case you wondered, I’m exaggerating, I actually put some laundry away this weekend, but it feels like I have about ten years of laundry around my bedroom.
I get up EVERY morning and I start with not getting up on time (I have another blog about that, I won’t bore you with my lazy details). I then stumble around and cuss looking for underwear and clothes and unmatching socks and I say that I am going to get home that night and put laundry away (preview, I don’t).
Anyway, back to me being a hot mess and my life being a hot mess. Last week, one of my diamond rings cracked on the bottom. Not a big deal, it can get fixed, but it was odd it just broke. THEN on Wednesday I was going through security at work and went to put my iWatch back on and it flung to the floor and some of the screen broke. Fantastic, its three months old and I always think ahead so I got insurance on it. That’s funny, I totally didn’t have insurance. Here’s what actually happened when I bought my watch.
AT&T: Do you want to add Insurance to your watch?
Me: Oh hell no, this shit is made indestructible, kids are jumping up and down on watch faces all over the world for fun and they don’t break. And besides, it’s not like I’m a bull in a china cabinet, there’s NO way I would break my watch…
Three months later……
Me: son of a bitch, what in the world is wrong with me that I WOULDN’T get insurance? I am a bull in a china cabinet every day.
Yeah, so thankfully the top of the watch is the only thing broke so I’m still wearing it. I can get it fixed or get a new one, but I’m so stupid, I never think ahead.
On the parenting front, I’m totally killing it. At night while I’m working on making items for the business (which I am going to pat myself on the back, my business is doing FANTASTIC), anyway I usually have my iPad on and it streams certain shows. I’ve been into Bob’s Burgers lately which is hilarious, but Lucy likes to wander in and talk and play. Last night Lucy informed me that for her birthday she wants a Bob’s Burgers themed party with Burgers and everyone can watch Bob’s Burgers. Yeah, totally not a show for kids, but that would be a hilarious party for a five-year-old.
I think there is a special place in hell for people who pull up to a gas station and park in front of the pumps but don’t get gas. Seriously you lazy asses, park somewhere else. Why does this bother me? Because I NEVER get gas in a timely manner and most of the time when I roll into the gas station, I have zero miles to empty, like last week. Very true story and if your lazy ass took up two spots so you can go get a lottery ticket, I’m pissed. I should just better prepare, I know this, I don’t want to.
I started unfollowing people on Facebook who constantly post about how much they work. I don’t care you worked 12 hours today. I really don’t. Unless you worked 12 hours and you are telling me because you are an eight year old, then who cares. It’s called being an adult. We all do it. If you don’t do it, then you are lucky or you choose to live in a box, but whatever. I have chosen to work and I have chosen to start a business and I have chosen to have kids and I have chosen to be busy. If you are working 12 hour days and then you get like four days off on a normal week, then just divide it by the normal work week. I would prefer if I read, “Whew, what a day, it was a tough four hour one, I need a vacation!” Money makes the world go round and in order to get that money, you work.
You can tell me how you’re sick of reading my blog and my grief and my life. I totally get that, but just don’t read it. I unfollowed people on Facebook because their shit makes me roll my eyes. If I’m rolling my eyes at you, I’m wasting my time. There are 400 billion people on this earth (not a real number of people), so I can find someone else who will amuse me.
I am totally dreading back to school. I got a text that cheer practice starts next week and I think I cried a little. I am totally lazy, I don’t want to go sit at practice and watch Lilly do the splits. I mean, I want to watch them PLAY the sports, I don’t want to sit and watch them practice the sport or know I have to go somewhere after I get done for the day from work or whatever else I have to do. Call me a bad parent, call me a lazy parent, call me an honest parent, I don’t care. Am I still going to take them to their practices? Hell yeah I am. Am I still going to dread it? Hell yeah I am!
So basically my post today is about how I’m killing it (I’m not). I think I’m killing it all, my work, my business, my kids, my no matching socks. I’m a hot mess, but I am proud of that hot messiness. I am embracing it all, the crazy, the fun, the sadness, the life. Carry on with your lives, no matter how clean and neat or messy and organized they look, and let’s laugh and enjoy.
Functionally Dysfunctional 